How to make an introduction that actually helps

Usually, someone just comes to mind.

I’ve made more than 500 introductions. Often, I hear what someone is thinking about and another person pops into my head. Sometimes they have relevant experience. Sometimes I just think they would get along.

I don’t need to turn every possible connection into a formal business case. I do want to be able to explain why I thought of it. Then I ask whether they’re interested. If they don’t respond or don’t think it would help, I don’t make the intro.

Usually the whole thing starts with a quick “I think you’d really like this person.” Then I wait for an answer. I want the introduction to be something they’re excited about.

Give them something more useful than two job titles.

“You’re both in tech” gives people very little to react to. “You’re both figuring out how to keep volunteers involved after the first month” gives them a topic.

A shared interest is enough too. Two friends who love building strange little games may have a great time together. The reason can be that simple.

Think about what each person has actually told you. Are they looking for advice, a collaborator, a friend who shares an interest, or just a good conversation? Those lead to different introductions. Don’t quietly change the purpose along the way.

The examples in this guide use fictional people and situations. We’ll follow Jamie, who is starting a writing group, and Alex, who has run a volunteer buddy program.

This version promises Alex’s time and expertise without asking, turns a possible match into a guaranteed fix, and chooses a call for both people. The useful version explains why Alex came to mind and asks privately whether the conversation would be welcome.

Jamie, meet Alex! Alex can fix your community retention problem. I told Jamie you’d be happy to advise them. You two should book a call this week.

Two people are working through a similar problem.

Explain the shared question and why comparing notes might be useful.

One person has experience the other wants to learn from.

Make the learning request specific enough for the experienced person to assess.

You think they would enjoy each other.

Say what made you think that. A shared hobby or outlook can be a perfectly good reason.

You only recognize both names.

Wait until you understand the connection well enough to explain it.

Sometimes the reason is simply that they would enjoy each other.

A useful introduction does not always need a business outcome. Sometimes two people care about the same oddly specific thing. Sometimes you suspect they would have a great conversation. That is enough to offer the possibility, as long as you describe it honestly and let them decide.

Here’s a made-up example. Ana is learning card tricks, and Jules sometimes has friends over to practice magic. I’d explain why I thought they might get along and ask if they want to meet. I wouldn’t volunteer Jules to teach a class or perform at a party. Those are much bigger asks.

If they both like the idea, connect them around that shared interest. Maybe they trade recommendations. Maybe they become friends. You can let them figure that out.

Hey Ana! You mentioned getting really into card tricks. My friend Jules sometimes gets a few people together to practice magic. I thought you two might enjoy knowing each other. Want me to ask about connecting you?

Hey Jules! My friend Ana has been learning card tricks for fun, and you came to mind. Would you be up for an intro? I thought you might enjoy comparing notes. I haven’t offered a lesson or a place at one of your evenings.

Check whether the idea is useful to the first person.

If Jamie has already asked to meet Alex for this purpose, you have Jamie’s side of the answer. If it was your idea, ask before offering someone else’s time.

Keep the message natural. Explain the relevant connection, then give them room to say whether it would help. You’re also checking your understanding. Maybe Jamie already tried a buddy program and is working on a different problem now.

Don’t promise the introduction before you have asked Alex. “I can ask” is enough.

Often the idea comes up while I’m already on a call. Someone mentions a problem, project, or interest, and another person pops into my mind. I explain why I think they might enjoy connecting and ask whether they want the introduction. If they do, I ask for a short blurb in their own voice that I can forward.

Hey Jamie! Alex came to mind when you mentioned helping new writers feel comfortable posting. They’ve run a volunteer buddy program and might have a useful perspective. Would you enjoy comparing notes? Happy to ask if you’re interested.

Ask the other person privately.

Once Jamie is interested, send Alex enough context to make a decision. Who is Jamie? What would the conversation be about? Why did Alex come to mind?

This is often called a double opt-in introduction. Fred Wilson has written about why it helps: an unexpected shared thread can leave someone feeling obliged to take a meeting they never wanted. Asking first avoids putting them in that position.

You don’t need to send every detail Jamie shared with you. Use the context needed for this conversation, and check before forwarding anything personal or confidential.

I add my own notes and a little flair around that blurb. The requester gets to explain what they are working on and why they want to meet; I explain why I thought of this particular match. It keeps me from guessing what the requester wants or pretending I know their project better than they do.

Hey Alex! My friend Jamie is starting a writing group and trying to help new members feel comfortable posting. Your volunteer buddy program came to mind.

Jamie would love to compare notes on how you got it started. Would you be open to an intro? No worries if your plate’s full.

Alex says yes to comparing notes.

Make the introduction with that purpose. Include any preference they give about timing or format.

Alex does not respond.

Leave the introduction unmade. Tell Jamie you have not heard back if they are waiting on you.

Alex says no.

Respect the answer. You can tell Jamie it is not happening without sharing a private explanation.

Jamie now wants to pitch Alex a paid service.

Explain the changed purpose and ask again before making the connection.

Say how you actually know them.

People may read more into an introduction than you intend. If you connect a founder with an investor, they may assume you believe in the company. If you connect someone with a possible hire, they may assume you have seen that person work. Say how you actually know them and what experience you can speak to.

“We met at a community event and had a really interesting conversation” gives someone useful context. So does “We worked together for three years.” They mean different things. I’d be clear about which one is true, especially if somebody is deciding whether to invest in or hire this person.

Be especially careful when one person has authority over the other’s opportunities. An introduction to a manager, investor, or organizer can feel harder to decline than a casual social connection. Keep the private ask easy to turn down. Avoid copying a wider group, implying someone has already agreed, or describing the introduction as a favor they owe you.

If something changes before you send the intro, pause and check. Maybe the person is no longer raising money, or they want a different kind of help. Update the ask before connecting people so nobody arrives expecting the wrong conversation.

An introduction email template for the handoff.

After two yeses, the introduction itself can be short. Remind both people of the shared topic, give each person’s relevant context, and name the next step if one was agreed.

Use a subject that makes the thread easy to find later. Neither person needs your complete history with the other.

Describe the relationship honestly. “We met at a dinner last week” can be sufficient context. You can suggest an interesting connection without presenting yourself as a long-time reference.

Subject: Jamie <> Alex | Welcoming new writers

Hey both! Glad you’re up for connecting.

Jamie is starting a writing group and thinking through how to help new members feel comfortable posting. Alex has run a volunteer buddy program and is happy to compare notes about getting it started.

Jamie, I’ll let you take it from here. Hope you have a great conversation!

If you’re asking for an intro, make your part easy.

Tell the connector who you want to meet and why. A broad request to “introduce me to interesting people” asks them to invent the purpose for you.

A short forwardable note helps them explain your work accurately. Make it understandable without the private conversation behind it.

Brad Feld’s guide to intro requests is useful here: the requester supplies clear context, and the connector can add their own relationship to it. Give them a note they can use, then let them decide whether they want to forward it.

If they don’t know the person well enough or decline to help, accept that. You can look for another sensible way to reach out.

Hey Morgan! Do you know Alex well enough that you’d feel comfortable asking about an intro? I’m trying to learn how they started their volunteer buddy program. I put a short note below in case it’s useful. Totally fine if you’re not close.

I’m Jamie, and I’m starting a writing group. New members often join without posting, so I’m exploring a buddy program to help them get comfortable. I’d love to ask Alex how they recruited the first volunteers and what they changed after trying it. Happy to start by email if that’s easiest.

Got an introduction? Make the next step easy.

Reply with a thank-you, greet the new person, and make the next step easy. If the connector does not need to join the conversation, move them to BCC and say you have done so. That lets them see the handoff without receiving all the scheduling messages.

Pick up the purpose that was agreed. If Alex offered to answer questions by email, send the questions. If both people welcomed a call, offer a couple of times or ask which scheduling method they prefer.

A short reply with real attention is plenty. You don’t need to repeat everything the introduction just said.

If the conversation stalls, you can follow up yourself. I wouldn’t ask the connector to keep chasing on your behalf. They helped you meet; whether you keep talking is up to the two of you.

Thanks, Sydney! Really appreciate it. Moving you to BCC.

Hey Alex! Wonderful to meet you. I’d love to hear how you recruited the first volunteers for the buddy program. Did you invite people individually or open it up to everyone?

Happy to start here by email, or find a time if talking is easier.

Let the connector know what happened.

Let the person who introduced you know how it went! A quick thank-you and one thing you took away is enough. It’s fun to find out that two people you thought would get along actually did.

If the conversation never happens, you can say that too. Sometimes timing does not work. You do not need to turn every introduction into a success story.

One of my own investor introductions started with Clubhouse. Someone followed me on Twitter, his profile looked interesting, and I sent a DM asking to hang out. We texted on and off about startups, companies, and random ideas for a few months. When we were fundraising, I asked whether he knew anyone we should talk to. He introduced us to an investor who turned out to be incredible for the company. The friendship had time to develop before there was a specific ask.

We had a few months of just talking about things we found interesting. I think that part of the story matters as much as the investor intro.

Hey Sydney! Alex and I spoke. Hearing how they started with a few volunteers helped me make our first version much simpler. Thanks for thinking of us!

Hey Jamie, I haven’t heard back from Alex, so I’m going to leave it there for now. I’ll let you know if that changes.

If you get an introduction wrong, own the part you can fix.

Suppose you put two people on an email without checking first. One privately tells you they are overwhelmed and did not want the introduction. The repair starts with acknowledging what you did. Do not ask them to complete a meeting to spare you embarrassment, and do not forward their private explanation to the other person.

These messages are fictional examples of a repair. Adjust them to what actually happened. If you promised something on another person’s behalf, correct that promise too.

When the second person declines, I close the loop with the requester. If there is a brief reason I can appropriately share, I share it. A private explanation stays private. Sometimes another person comes to mind who really would be a better fit, and I offer to ask them. I don’t owe anyone a replacement introduction just to soften a no.

You can acknowledge your mistake without revealing the other person’s private reasons. If you have already shared information that should have stayed private, acknowledge that specifically to the affected person; a general apology does not undo it.

You’re right, I should have checked with you before making that intro. I’m sorry. Please don’t feel you need to take the conversation on. I’ll be more careful about asking first.

I moved too quickly on that introduction and hadn’t checked availability properly. I’m sorry for creating the expectation. Please leave the request there for now.

Common questions